FORCING LAUGHTER, FAKING SMILES

[kyra a. beyer]

[/color] everett ivanski
word count • 1175
playing on itunes • enchanted by tswift
notes • yay for amends!
credit • all to moi![/ul]

everything that was going on around her, all the heart ache, was sending Kyra's mind into over drive regarding her own relationship. not that it was really a relationship technically but it did have her over worried about confessing how she felt to Conner. even if that had been one of the most incredible nights of her life, finally telling him and having that weight lifted off of her. she couldn't help but be worried with how things were stuck in limbo at the moment. she knew how she felt about Conner, she was sure she knew how he felt about her, but then why weren't they together? that was the one question that she couldn't come up with an answer too. no matter how hard she tried. this wasn't like Kyra to be so insecure but then when it came to Conner, things weren't the same as far as she was concerned. it didn't matter that he was one of her best friends and she felt completely comfortable around him to be herself, she still had more insecurities around him then she did around any other guy. when she was in his arms though everything sort of just disappeared and she was barely aware of the world around her let alone the insecurities she felt. she had no real girlfriends to go and talk about this stuff with. no one to tell her that it was all normal stuff and would disappear eventually. it was in situations like these that not having any close girlfriends came back to kick her in the arse. sure Alec was great to go to for advice in any other situation but when it came to Conner, not so much. especially as of late with everything he had going on.

sitting up in her bed and sliding her feet into her flats she rose from her bed and walked over to her dresser. sliding her coat on and making sure she had everything Kyra left the comfort of her dorm, just wanting to get some fresh air. hoping that maybe it would help clear her head. normally she would go and talk to Alec and that would take her mind off everything, but he wasn't himself lately. she was still trying to be the best best friend slash little sister that he needed but she didn't really know what to do. love situations definitely weren't her element. shoving her hands into her pockets as she walked up the stairs from the Dungeons and out of Hogwarts, having no place to go and in no hurry to get back inside her own thoughts gone amuck once again. something they had been since the break up with Rett and since she had told Conner how she really felt about him. how could her own worries and fears not coming crashing down when they were being played out before her? it might not have been happening to her, but it was as close to home as it could get without it happening to her and that sent all the alarms off in her mind. sure it was public knowledge that Adalynn was suppose to marry Adrik Lestrange, but with the way that her and Alec were going Kyra thought for sure he would get everything he wanted in the end. especially since he seemed actually happy about the baby she was carrying. she could easily picture Alec as a father, he had been taking care of her for merlin only knew how long. even she had been excited about being a possible aunt. though now Alec was heart broken and Kyra couldn't seem to do anything to cheer him up. making the panic that she thought had subsided was back with a force that could knock her flat on her arse. allowing her feet to carry her aimlessly about the grounds, trying to piece together her own thoughts.

sure she trusted Conner, enough to give him her heart but things were so confusing. the holidays had been unbelievably great. having spent a vast majority of it with Conner, as though she was his girlfriend. when she wasn't with Conner she was with Alec, and she couldn't think of a single moment that she wasn't smiling. then they came back to Hogwarts and everything fell apart, making Kyra very aware that her and Conner weren't official yet. they may have acted like they were dating but they were still technically friends, he could still go and do whoever or whatever he wanted and she would have no right to be mad. it would hurt mind you but without being official there would be nothing she could do about it. sighing heavily, Kyra hadn't realized how far she had walked and was now standing at the entrance to the Forbidden Forset. turning on the spot and staring up at Hogwarts, so many things had happened since arriving there. some for the good some for the bad and the year was only half over. the worse thing by far having been her break up with Rett. even just thinking about it made Kyra hurt in ways she couldn't quite figure out. part of her was sure it was because she lost one of her best friends but there was a part of her that wasn't sure what the pain was over. she hated that it took hurting one of the people she cared most about to get the guy she loved. even if she knew it wasn't fair to stay with Rett, she could have. now with the way things were going her mind was making her wonder if she had made the right choice. though her heart instantly shot that down. of course she made the right choice, she loved Conner and had to be in this for better or worse. if she come out hurt in the end, well then it was karma's way of getting her back for hurting Rett and that was that.

finally head back up the grounds, returning the way she had came. stomping off her feet to get the snow off her flats as she reached the courtyard not wanting to drag anymore snow within the castle. pausing when she reached the stairway to go down into the dungeons. biting down upon her lower lip unsure if she wanted to return to the Slytherin Common Room just yet. shaking her head she turned to go anywhere but there. playing with the strings of her hat she made her way up the stairs, figuring some time on her own would do her some good. allowing her feet to take her where they wanted, winding up in the forbidden corridor. taking off her coat and setting it upon the floor then sitting down. resting her back against the cold stone she closed her eyes just enjoying the silences, listening to the echo of the footsteps that were drawing near her.

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[everett i. ivanski]

I SEE YOU AND I SMILE BECAUSE--------------------------------------
i think of our memories

rett had been quite alone lately and he didn't like it. he liked being around the people he loved and cared for and now that feelings had developed for elyse his feelings for kyra had slipped away. now a days he only cared for her as friend but he knew he had been no friend to her. he had been mean and hurt that night they broke up and she had walked away from him the night he heard her sing that beautiful melody that her voice was. he couldn't imagine living without it, without her. he wanted to go back to those moments where they were just best friends, when they would think of their futures and wonder how good rett could look in a dress for kryas wedding being one of the bridesmaids. those were the moments that rett missed her the most when those memories would crawl uninvited into his mind and make him remember that he had messed up what he should have fixed long time ago, what was stupid to let go of anyway. that night rett had been the angry ex boyfriend and not the knowledgeable best friend that was what keys needed what she had expected what he had expected but what came out was from anger from being in love with kyra because he wouldn't deny it he had been in love with kyra and she had strong feelings for him too but it was quite obvious that she had stronger feelings for conner and he had recently come to terms with that, just as he was realizing that he was growing feelings for elyse. it was common, his heart had been broken a few months back and now his heart had healed. he was that best friend and he was actually surprisingly happy about kyra and connor, they didn't half bad together and she did seem happy and as much as he would have hated to admit it a month ago that he was happy and she was happy with someone that wasn't him. there was the moment that he had realized that he wouldn't have been feeling that way if he was just friend with kyra and that was how it had turned out. he needed to make a amends with her and make his life right again, he needed to make sure that he hadn't ruined his life with the reaction that had taken over his emotions and his actions that night, he wanted a do over or have kyra accept his apology and they could stop acting like children once and for all, it was all he really wanted. and though rett wasn't spoiled, he wanted this to happen and by golly it was going to happen.

rett knew he had to find her and had to make amends but every time he had gotten even close to her she had disappeared before his eyes. she had run into the crowd and he hadn't been able to spot her again. he missed her. sometimes even she'd completely ignore him, she would call her name in the middle of a hallway and she would just keep walking away. he had been sure it was her, so sure but he must have been wrong then. he didn't think so, rett left the gryffindor common room his head held not so high and walked around. he stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down a few flights of stairs. suddenly he held on to the stairs as they started to move. he was on his way to the third floor. they stopped on the forbidden hallway but scared that the stairs would move on him again, it really wasn't a pleasant feelings when they did, he jump on the floor not a second later, he turned around to see the stairs moving once again. he rolled his eyes, there was no choice now but to go deeper into what he had been abandon on. he saw a small figure against the wall. he immediately recognized the figure, almost as he had known her his entire life, almost as if she had always been there for him when he fell, almost as if he had fallen for her, because he had. a few steps in front of him was kyra beyer. he walked towards her and watched her, her eyes were closed meaning she wanted to rest. she had her boots on, and her coat was on the floor. she had been on the grounds. rett immediately became worried that she may catch a cold if she hadn't bundled herself enough. he slid down the wall and landed a foot next to her. he pressed his lips together, she had probably realized by now that it was him. "hey,"

[/color] he said softly looking at her and smiling, almost nonexistent, but there none the less. he didn't want to get yelled at but he knew this was probably the last time that he would be able to make amends with his best friend, someone he didn't want to be loathed by. "i'm sorry... for everything,"[/color] he said, and he meant every word. he was sorry for any pain that he had caused her and anything wrong that he had ever done in their relationship including how things had ended that night, that was his worst mistake of all.
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tag: kyra beyer
word count: 1026 words
lyrics: lyrics to me because i'm awesome like that XD
on itunes: it's not too late by demi lovato
credit: everything to me,
notes: yay for amend making! whoot!

[kyra a. beyer]

[/color] everett ivanski
word count • 980
playing on itunes • california king bed rihanna
notes • awe! sorry for the wait!
credit • all to moi![/ul]

the way Kyra was feeling, it wasn't her at all. everything seemed to be uncharted territory for her as of late. it wasn't to say that Kyra hadn't dated guys before, she had. Conner had been her first boyfriend, he was her first love and he was still pretty much her everything. she wasn't a serial dater though, she didn't go around hooking up with guys because they were cute or anything of the sorts. looks weren't exactly something that mattered to her, it was what on the inside that mattered to her. if the inside was ugly on a guy then to Kyra so was the outside. she normally couldn't stand egotistical guys who were so full of themselves they couldn't see past their own egos. this normally puzzled many people because of the guy she had fallen for. he could be as egotistical as they come and he slept around more then any other guy she knew. it just went to show that someone couldn't pick who they loved. not that Kyra would change anything about Conner or change who she loved, but he was her exact opposite. he stood for everything that she normally disliked and yet he could still make her smile unlike another guy. he was the one guy that could make her cry like she had never cried before. the only guy who could make her feel all these things then with a single look take her breath away. he didn't even have to try to make her knees weak he did that without any effort, just by being him. there was no doubt in her mind that they belonged together.

she hated seeing him with other girls, but being the best friend that she was she pushed her feelings for him aside. when he started dating his ex, Kyra had forced herself to move on. convincing herself that he was over her, that their time had come and gone, so it was best if she put it behind her. it had been a lot harder then she thought it would be but eventually she found Rett. it always seemed that the guys she was going to be with were right under her nose and she didn't even realize it. Rett had been her friend since she was a young girl, as long as Alec had for merlin's sake. he had been the one (other then Alec of course) that had been there for her when she had nearly lost Conner. their friendship had blossomed with little to no effort and before Kyra really knew what was going on he was no longer just a friend to her. it had been nice to have feelings for someone other then Conner, to think of someone other then him. granted Rett and Kyra didn't actually become an item until they came to Hogwarts but what they did have worked well for them. they might not have been exclusive but they might as well have been. Kyra practically spent most of her time with Alec and him, when she wasn't with Conner at Durmstrang. she didn't do anything with any other guys but a little bit of harmless flirting. something that only happened when she didn't realize what she was doing, the moment she noticed she stopped. the two of them were different but alike in ways also which made them work so well. to say that Kyra missed him from her life now was an understatement.

she missed running and jumping on his back at random moments to get a piggy back ride. she missed the way he would make her laugh so hard that her sides would hurt. she missed the way that he would just take her in his arms and hug her without asking any questions because he knew something was wrong. most of all she missed him. she hated that they were fighting, that things had gotten so ugly between them but she saw no way that things would ever be mended. after everything that was said between them, after everything that had happened, she didn't know if it could just be that easy. even with her eyes closed she knew who it was. before he even spoke, she could tell it was Rett. just by the way she felt, and by the soft scent that she associated with her former best friend and ex boyfriend. if there was anyone that she needed now more then ever it was Rett, and everything in her just wanted to make things right. she wasn't sure if that was possible but with the bit of determination she had left in her she hoped it would help. Kyra wanted her best friend back, she needed him back. opening her eyes and looking over at him, she had no idea what would happen between them but she really didn't want another fight. at his greeting she felt a bit relieved, no yelling was good. him coming over to her had to be a good sign she kept telling herself. "hey," her voice was soft as she replied. Kyra felt foolish for being almost shy and awkward around him but it was hard not to be after everything. biting down on her lower lip at his apology, her heart beginning to beat rapidly inside her chest. without much thought she leaned in and threw her arms around him in a hug. "i'm sorry too! for- everything! i didn't mean any of it!" she could have cried if her eyes weren't cleneched so tight. "i miss my best friend!" Kyra muttered releasing the hug and looking at him. maybe things really could be that easy.

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[everett i. ivanski]

I SEE YOU AND I SMILE BECAUSE--------------------------------------
i think of our memories

rett wasn't really ready to be himself. he was had been off for a few days. it was explainable though so he didn't really care much. he knew how weird his life had been since everything. and well he honestly couldn't see his life without kyra or at least some of her. she was amazing in every sense and he missed having her around, and it was apart from the obvious reasons. first of all she was his best friend and he missed her and second of all he missed her. he missed how they could make each other laugh without actually needing to say anything and could look at each other and almost know what they were thinking and things like that. he had been super close with kyra, and it was thrown away the first time they hooked up, they had both been drunk and it had gone as far as kissing but that was the night that rett developed some feelings for the sparky brunette. after that it only seemed like their relationship would only be friends with benefits and at first rett had thought about asking kyra out but what if she just like him in that way to hook up and eventually have sex with? rett wanted to avoid having their relationship all screwed up because of it. it was all down to the day she sat on his lap, very early on in the year and some kid who wasn't from durmstrang asked if they were dating. it all went up hill from there. kyra asked if he thought they should and rett had just kissed her. after that the only time he wasn't with kyra he was planning some prank with carlos's help, studying for an exam with logan's help or just laughing along or hanging out with alec. kyra and rett had almost silently agreed to act like just friends in front of the guys to make everything less awkward, but they did have their moment when they held hands here and there. the adorable way of course. for some reason rett liked remembering his relationship with kyra.

yeah being with kyra had been one of the greatest, not to mention the longest, relationships he had ever had but it was because he loved her like a friend and like a past lover that he had to let her go on to that guy she had mentioned she loved, as much as rett wanted to kick said guy's ass for being just that an ass, he couldn't... unless he hurt kyra then they would go world war three on his ass. thought rett was pretty sure alec would get to him first. the thought made him smile. alec was another relationship that he really needed to fix and as soon as possible. but first came kyra because he had spoken to kyra since the incident, he hadn't spoek to alec at all since kyra broke up wit him. he really needed to see him once the relationship with kyra was fixed but only then he would go speak to alec. at the moment sitting next to kyra she was the most important thing on his list to fix. they weren't yelling but he wasn't sure if she would yell or if she had been like him and was thinking of all their times together and wanted to fix things just as much as he did. maybe she really did? as he apologized it didn't take three second before kyra wrapped her arms around his neck, throwing him down since he hadn't really been expecting that reaction at all, through he should have been since this was after kyra he was talking to. after she opened her eyes he could really see the guilt she was feeling, the same emotion that rett would see every time he looked in the mirror. he smiled lightly at her. "i miss my best friend too!" he said with a mock shock expression on his face. "you too of course,"

[/color] he laughed a little and smiled at her, obviously kidding about the whole her not being his best friend. he placed an arm around her and pushed her close to him. "catch up time... tell me everything,"[/color] he said smiling at her softly. he truly meant that he wanted to know everything that had been going on in her life, even if it meant that they needed to talk about corner. he was over kyra, as hard as it had been, he was and he only saw her the way alec did but with out the whole sister part. he saw kyra as his bestest, and loudest, best friend in the entire world and that was the only way that he would ever view. merlin he had missed her tons.
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tag: kyra beyer
word count: 936 words
lyrics: lyrics to me because i'm awesome like that XD
on itunes: home by chris daughtry
credit: everything to me,
notes: hehe he missed her tons

[kyra a. beyer]

[/color] everett ivanski
word count • 783
playing on itunes • sugarland
notes • nice short post for you (:
credit • all to moi![/ul]

it really didn't surprise Kyra that things had been that easy. that just with a single apology and a hug and things were okay between Rett and herself. like nothing had ever went wrong in the first place, like they hadn't fought. she loved this. she had her best friend back and at that moment in time she couldn't ask for anything more. all bad feelings aside, she couldn't be more happy to have him back in her life. it coming at the perfect time as well. with things being so confusing with Conner, she needed her support, her rock. she needed Rett more then he would ever really know. a short laugh had fallen from her lips when she knocked Rett over, knowing very well he probably hadn't expect the reaction she had given him. not that she could blame him, she had been quite the bitch in their last few run ins. she felt rather horrible for that now, the guilt was written as bright as could be in her eyes. though none of that mattered anymore, things would be okay between them. scrunching up her nose and sticking her tongue out at him at his comment, laughing as she did so. merlin it felt good to laugh with him again. "you couldn't find another best friend like me, even if you tried." saying proudly as she winked at him to let him know she was teasing. cuddling in as close as she could get to him the moment his arm was around her, just like she used too. resting her head upon his shoulder and sighing softly completely content. this was exactly what she needed. with everything going as crazy as it was with Conner, she needed this time just to clear her head. she would have went to Alec but he had enough going on that she didn't want to add to it. besides right now she couldn't be more happier that she had Rett with her instead. part of her knew Conner probably wouldn't like the idea that they were friends again but she at least hoped that he would come around to the idea. for her.

tilting her head upwards at his statement, biting down on her lower lip. she wasn't sure if she wanted to bring up the topic of Conner, afraid it might bring back everything they had went through. the things she was thinking were clearly written on her features. she had just gotten Rett back, she truly didn't want to loose him just as quickly because of something foolish she had said. "are you sure you want to know everything? she asked cautiously, resting her head back on his shoulder. "i mean, i just got my best friend back. i really don't want to loose you again." speaking honestly, though her voice shook a little bit with the fear of loosing him. "ever since things went bad between us, everything has kind of been messed up and i don't want to say the wrong thing and make you mad and loose you again." Kyra said softly her eyes falling down to her hands that were resting in her lap. she knew that she was just as much, if not more so, to blame for their falling out so she was terrified of loosing him. almost positive that talking about the guy that had her leaving him would do just that. "its not that i don't want to tell you everything, of course i do, i just don't want to mess this up again. things have been far to confusing without you in my life and i need you." the admission would have normally caused Kyra to stutter, never being very good at this whole expressing herself thing but fear seemed to be over powering that side of her. "why... why don't we start with how things have been for you first?" she suggested, taking the spotlight off herself and placing it on him. she had seen him with the odd girl here and there so naturally curiousity was killing the cat and she wanted to know everything she had missed in her best friends life. even though she owed an explanation to him letting him know that getting over him wasn't as easy as it might have appeared. Kyra knew very well that she owed him a lot but also knew that she'd get to it all before they parted ways tonight.

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