always need a friend to hold

[jolene i. disney]

IF I TOLD YOU SOMETHING BAD WILL YOU---------------
hold me while i cry

It was hard being herself. She wanted to be someone else, she wanted to be someone special, someone that was loved but that never really worked out for her. She wanted people to care for her wanted someone to hold her in their arms and whisper that they loved her and that they adored her and that they wanted nothing more than to hold her for the rest of their lives and to have her by their side forever, to be with them. There was one thing she lacked however, she last the ability to really want this for herself, sure she wanted it but never had she actually gone out of her way to have it. She should have because then she would be better off but she didn’t want to risk it. She didn’t have enough balls really to do that. She didn’t have enough courage to go up to the guy she was crushing on and telling him “I like you, when are we going out?” with as much courage as she could, with as much honor and dignity as this sixteen year old had in her. She believed in herself she knew that she could do it but she couldn’t she couldn’t go up to him and admit to feelings that could cause her to be the laughing stock of so many places, what if he had a girlfriend? Or what if he didn’t like her or worse what if he laughed in her face? It would be too much for her. What was she even thinking? She shouldn’t have been crushing on a guy that she had a one night stand with and felt at hog’s inn because she didn’t like facing who ever she slept with in the morning. Evan taught her that it was just clearly easier to run away from your problems that to face them. Joey had unfortunately picked up that habit. It was something she was trying to shake off but that wasn’t the easiest thing to do honestly. At the moment she didn’t need courage to go up and talk to seeley no she needed to have the courage to go up and talk to Ronnie, to tell her everything to open up to her best friend and hope for the best in return.

She couldn’t grow balls in a matter of minutes though and that was exactly what she was trying to do. She was roaming the school trying to find her and tell her everything that she needed to know. She went around asking “Have you seen Ronnie?

[/color] some people gave her strange faces wondering who that was and well some just didn’t want to tell her, after all she was a Slytherin and the school biggest slut. Thank god though after much searching her found Ronnie, on the sixth floor, it wasn’t empty but it wasn’t full either which meant Ronnie would either want to talk her somewhere so that she could through a fit or that she wouldn’t through a fit at all. Joey sighed and walked up to her best friend fearing the worst but hoping for the best. “Just hear me out okay?”[/color] the first thing that popped out of her mouth, she wanted to give her side before Ronnie started to denounce her as a friend, she wanted her best friend back. She needed her best friend back. “I know Evan has probably said that everything was my fault and it probably was. I had had too many drinks that night and I know that’s not an excuse but it happened and oh Ronnie I’m so sorry. I only barely remember that night, I remember who it was and stuff but not details. Evan left before I was able to wake up. “[/color] the beginning of her story came out rushed as if she had a minute to say everything before her life became a living hell. “I wanted to tell you, I honestly did but there never seemed to be a right time and I couldn’t tell you after so much time because how bad would it have looked and now that evan told you and I’m really sorry, Ronnie it’s something I’m most definetly not proud of, I can assure you that,”[/color] she was running out of things to say but felt like she needed to say more, like she had more apologizing to do than what she had done already. She was going to do something that she should have done a long time ago, blame everything on her father. “I was upset that night because some memories came in bad memories,”[/color] she started to lower her voice, she looked around in under a second and noticed that the only other students were on the other side, at least they were relatively alone. That could work. “they were about my father. Ronnie he didn’t leave me like I told you he had. I told you that lie for a reason,”[/color] here goes nothing. ”I told you that because I didn’t want your pity. I didn’t want you to feel bad for me that I was adopted by Kevin and Ralph because my father sexually abused me,”[/color] damn. She had said it, it was out in the open now, no taking it back, she couldn’t change her mind and tell her later, it was out there now. And it she was honest to herself It felt amazing to have it out in the open. Was it too late to run away and never look back?
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tag: ronnie duke
word count: 1097 words
where: the seventh floor
outfit: clickyyy
lyric credit: me myself and i!
credit: me and me
notes: i really wanted to get a thread going which explains so much dialogue