( SO MANY THINGS THAT I WANNA SAY )

[ashlee e. rousseau]

please, do me a favor: shut up and listen

first, i'm going to apologize for saying that right off. i needed to capture your attention, but i also just want to rant for a moment. i'm not going to tell you my name, which you might understad by the time you're finished reading this. i'm still sort of new at hogwarts, since i came from beauxbutons, but i've learned a few things. english boys are the worst in the entire world. not to sound slutty or anything, but i've been with quite a few guys. american, russian, polish, german, canadian, you name it. even english guys. and they are, by far, the most heartwrenching creatures to walk the earth. they have this uncanny ability to just rip your heart out and stomp on it.

allow me to start from the beginning. i met this guy, and upon meeting him, i took it upon myself to initiate intercourse with him, to put it nicely. you can lecture me later, if you're the type, but that's just who i am. or, who i was. anyway, i hadn't expected to like this guy so much, but i had. and so we started sneaking around for a few months. i'm a pretty big whore, point blank, but while i was with this guy, i was with him. i hadn't even thought of anyone else. i told him i didn't want a relationship, because i'm an idiot. he did, but he stopped pushing me. i thought we should be unexclusive, and i told him to see other people. i'm not sure why, since i hadn't the entire time we were together. he took my advice.

i finally told him that i thought we should be more, and he told me he'd found somebody else, who really had wanted a relationship. we broke it off. i tried to be strong, but i was in love with him. very clearly too. so i started being a slut again. but to be completely honest, i feel like everything is gone. i miss him every day. it's not even like my heart is broken. i don't even believe i have a heart anymore. it just vanished. i need to know what to do to stop this. or get him back. can you help me?

love, ___ ___ _____

p.s. if it gets to the point where you could help me, i'd like to meet whoever you are, to see what you can do to help me. i can make it worth your while.