I'LL BE OKAY

[jolene i. disney]

HERE'S TO OUR LOVE AND OUR AFFECTION---------------------------
here's to our happiness

Joey tried to be a normal girl, she had tried to be just that for two years of her life, then the tiny French girl got her beauxbaton letter and she decided she was through pretending that she was okay. Joey became the school slut, always dressing out, being the first kiss and make out of more than half the boys in the school, then she lost her willingness virginity to Evan to which she had quite a few drinks on her for a fourteen year old, she remembered everything and it was something she wanted to take back. She wondered how different her life would have been if she hadn’t slept with that boy. Well she would have lost it to someone, but at least then she wouldn’t be avoiding her best friend, that was what Ronnie was in the end, and what Joey had done had been completely unforgivable and now she felt horrible she would have told Ronnie the second it had happened, she could have played the victim card, lied so easily that she would have made sure that Ronnie never believed anything that came out of Evan’s mouth but how she was supposed to do that? She knew that now everything would have to come out in order for Ronnie to believe her, she would also need to tell demi and miley, they would need to know but they weren’t as important as Ronnie and her trust. Sure miley and demi were her best friends but Ronnie was her best best friend. She needed to tell her everything. From when the abuse from her father started when she was seven till she was nine when she told someone her father liked to be inside her in sexual ways, to being taken away the day later, to sleeping in an orphanage for a day then being put with kevin and ralph’s care when she had performed a very small form of magic on a police officer’s leg, something she didn’t even notice until remembering that day, lucas on that same day had exposed magic to the small girl, her life had been switched around in a couple of hours and sure at first the entire switcharu had been the hardest thing she ever had to deal with but she got over it. It had been a change that was bound to happen and the sooner and faster it had the better because then she was able to rethink her life and make sure that she knew where she priorities were and how they stood. The rethinking of her life had done her good even if she had been just a child.

Now though, now when she had grown up and she was sixteen years old, seven years since the horrible ness had happened and if she was honest to herself she knew that she hadn’t gotten over it. She was still having those horrible nightmares and would wake up twice a night, she still had those pictures of her father coming down on top of her telling her to shut her eyes, that it would only be a little bit, that everything would be over quickly. That if she didn’t squirm it would be over faster. She remembered every single lie that her father had ever told her and honestly she was tried of remembering that bullshit of his. She didn’t want to remember him as the man that bullshited his way through life. God he even lied when he was brought into court. France was a legal country. It didn’t matter what the sentence came out to though, Joey would still be living with Kevin and Ralph, the papers had been signed before the court meeting just for that. She still remembered being taken into the hospital and how they put a needle up there and told her to shut her eyes and that it would be over very quickly. That was the first time she heard the truth. After that they brought semen, to switch Ralph had to explain to her the birds and the bees after the court meeting, the results had shown that Joey’s father had abused her but if there had been no physical prove well if you told Joey to close her eyes and think back to one of those days where her father abused her she would cry and beg you that she didn’t want to do it. That she would do anything as long as she didn’t have to think about, if you were to say that it was a must, well she would start physically shaking from the terror that would come over her. Her eyes would get cloudy and she would cry and she spoke of how she didn’t know what was happening and what had been going on. She could tell you every detail that you didn’t want to know, she could relive every memory you didn’t want a child to relive, or even live, she could do all that, because her father had really abused her. that was how she ended up in the hands of kevin and ralph, her fathers, and it was these very thoughts that were coming over her at midnight. she walked through the corridors her head bowed a little and purple marks under her eyes... she hadn't slept in so long. she heard footsteps behind and cursed softly and turned around. the first thing she noticed was the perfect badge and then the fact that he was ... cute.

tag: joe hansen
word count: 1057 words
where: the room of requirement
outfit: clickyyy
lyric credit: me myself and i!
credit: owner for pic, rest is mine
notes: yay for past threads!

[joseph a. hansen]

prefect duties. it was one of the things that joe had to give him a life outside of hogwart's enormous library. joe wondered if he would ever read every single book the hogwarts library had. yes, joe did sound like he was a nerd, but what else was he going to do? he already did quidditch practices and matches for the durmstrang quidditch team and his prefect duties. he also had some fun with his friends a couple of times a week. it wasn't like there was much else to do. sure, maybe he could get to know some other people from beauxbatons or hogwarts, but joe wasn't sure what to say. plus, they already looked like they had their own friends. how was joe going to fit into a mold already created? maybe if his friends pushed him into a group he'd know what to say, but his friends were already busy with their own lives. joe hansen here had no social life. it was rather sad, once you thought about it. joe looked like he was already a piece of dirt on the wall, a piece of dirt nobody noticed. unless he had some help from his friends or by some miracle gained a new friend on his own that would help joe gain more friends, joe was looked at a boring life ahead of him.

well, right now it was time to focus on his prefect duties. joe liked being a prefect. it wasn't because of the power or respect one got as a prefect. joe tried not to abuse his power, even though alec kept asking him to put connor stretton in detention. joe liked keeping order and piece in the school, and how his prefect duties made hogwarts a better place than before. it felt like joe was doing something good for the world. he liked the thought of doing something good for the world... or more humbly, his new school. it made joe feel good to do some good, if you knew what he meant. plus, the prefect bathroom was pretty sweet, too. and, thanks to all the reasons stated above, except for the last one, was why joe refused to abuse his power. some thought it wouldn't be easy to put your friends in detention, but since joe hadn't seen them on his prefect duties shift, and since he didn't have much friends anyway, it wasn't like he had any friends to put into detention anyway.

he was currently patrolling the seventh floor corridor, looking around for anybody sneaking out at night past curfew. ten minutes ago, joe had caught a couple making out in a dark corner. he gave them both detentions for breaking curfew, and since he didn't know their names or their faces. but in a way, the fact that they had each other made joe feel a little sad. he didn't have any girl to be close to. sure he had his two sisters, but they were busy with their own lives. just like his friends. not for the first time, joe wished he had more friends. he was friendly with the other members of the durmstrang quidditch team, but friends wouldn't really accurately describe joe's relationship with his fellow team mates. thinking about how he should really try to get more friends, joe put a few more people into detentions without paying full attention to what he was doing.

his mother would have known what to do. joe was sure of it. his mother always had advice, always knew what to say to someone. she could make anybody happy, she could give good advice, and of course she made a really awesome dessert after every dinner. but joe couldn't talk to his mother now. he hadn't been able to for the past few years. all because of that terrible car accident. joe remembered it, every part of the memory crystal clear. how it had been so rainy that day. how the rain had caused the drunk driver to keep swerving on the road. how even without the rain the drunk guy still would have been swerving. then how the drunk driver's car crashed into the hansen family's former minivan. the feeling of the car crashing into the minivan with tons of force. the dizzying feeling of the minivan doing three sixtys into the trees. the feeling of crashing into the trees... his mother's scream. joe had lost consciousness after his mother had screamed in agony. but a bystander, a muggle, had called 911 and everybody involved in the car crash had been sent to a nearby hospital. he had regained consciousness in the hospital. and, clearer than any other memories of the terrible, life changing incident, his mother's last words. he remembered it word from word. "you're alive, joey. you're alive." "you're alive too, mom. hang in there, the doctors will heal you soon. dad and your other kids will be here soon." "no, joey. not possible. too weak." "i'm so sorry, joey. so sorry. i love you, joey. i love you very much."

a few tears fell from joe's eyes. he wiped them away. his prefect duties were still going on, and he had to be on the lookout. it was then when he spotted a girl. he didn't think much about it at first. it was just a girl, someone who was going to get a detention soon. but then she turned around and then joe realized that she was... pretty. prettier than other girls. trying to act like he hadn't noticed too much how pretty she was, and to prevent the impression that he was fighting waves of shyness, joe raised an eyebrow and said, "now what's a girl like you up late?" it might have sounded awkward, but then again, joe didn't have much experience talking to people... or, pretty girls.

^{STARRING : joe & jolene
WORDS : 974 words
NOTES : this will be interesting...
LYRICS USED : USE SOMEBODY - KINGS OF LEON
BANNER CREDIT : TANA
TAGGED : TANA}

[jolene i. disney]

HERE'S TO OUR LOVE AND OUR AFFECTION---------------------------
here's to our happiness

every day that passed by was harder and harder for her. it wasn't fair, what had she done that was so bad that she was cursed with a life like this! she had been the victim in this situation and she should have been the victim all the way through but she hadn't don't anything really wrong. okay so she probably held the tittle for the most guys slept with since forever. of course this wasn't always a good thing, there was the chance of getting pregnant, getting diseases and all the other bad things that she obviously didn't want to get but they were still out there and still haunting her dreams. not as much as that one person who had hurt her in ways she never knew a person could hurt her because he had but honestly how could she think about that. she didn't want to have him in her mind all day long she wanted him out of her mind for as long as she could remember, she didn't want to think about him or anything that he had done to her but the pictures, the memories would still haunt her would become part of her life, they would take over her life, her dreams, her friends, her adventures. it would haunt her until she couldn't do anything about it. they would always haunt her always be there when she closed her eyes, that feeling of distress, the hurt, the needing to feel normal, the hatred that she would feeling towards that one situation that would haunt her until the day she closed her eyes for the very last time, the day that she would die. the day that all the pain, all the hurting, all those feelings of anything that had ever ran through her mind about him would completely disappear forever and she would never be forced to think about him or what he had tone to her ever again. never would it haunt her mind. of course for now it would be the only thing that she could think about since it wouldn't be happening for a very long time. she was sixteen. she was supposed to be in that happy time, the time when everything was lovely and she was supposed to be the happiest she had ever been. she was supposed to be a care free stupid teenager who did reckless things because that was how she was, how she was supposed to be. wasn't that the whole point of being a teenager in the first place? being stupid and careless and just well plain old stupid?

she couldn't be able to do that though, with the thoughts of him haunting her every move and everything. no she would just have to deal with the fact that she wasn't normal, that she would never be normal and that she life would suck for all eternity until that wonderful days when she would be able to close her mind and enjoy the peaceful rest death came with. Was it a good life when she wouldn’t mind closing her eyes and not opening them again, taking the form of a dead corpse? she wanted to die, she didn’t want to be alive, she didn’t deserve to live, she was a lost cause and would forever be a lost cause she was a like a number, the year she was born, 2006, 2 years of abuse, 0 years of therapy, 0 years of true happiness after the age of nine, and 6 painful memories, each memory stronger than the last one. First was the day that it was against the wall, the next memory the same only this time there had been a nail on the walk and it was though she was a painting, very painful, she had a scar on her back for a long time. The next memory that would rush to her mind was when he took her to a water park and used her in the bathroom, saying that he was changing the eight year old. The next one was when she told her friend about her father and they told her it was bad. The next memory would be when they took her father away, thrashing and moving away from the police, she could remember how heart broken she had been and that was what hurt the most. The sixth and final most painful memory was the very first. No, not the one with liam, it was with her father when he crawled on top her, in the middle of the night, told her to close her eyes and that she would feel slight pain but it was pain that she had never felt before. So much pain at once, her father had never slowed or had been more gentle just because it was her first time, no if anything he was more rough because it was her first time. she shook her head though, she didn't want those memories to be with her at the moment. she was standing in front of a boy and she could feel her eyes burning again, wanting to cry. she tapped her cheeks and felt the tears. his voice rang in her eyes. "i couldn't sleep,"

[/color] it came out rapidly as though it were one big word. so much pain.[/size][/blockquote][/justify]
tag: joe hansen
word count: 1021 words
where: the room of requirement
outfit: clickyyy
lyric credit: me myself and i!
credit: owner for pic, rest is mine
notes: : (