&&--//BROKEN LIKE I'M NEVER GONNA HEAL

[emeline l. bletchley]

[/color] everett ivanski
word count • one three seven six
thread setting • early morning; top of abandoned tower
listening too •
notes • sorry, her muse was bursting!
credit • too moi![/ul]

he was gone. had walked away and left without even as so much as looking back at her. had what she done really been all of that bad? she had thought being honest with him would give them a clean slate. somewhere new to start, with no secrets between them. apparently she had been wrong. whoever said honesty was the best policy was completely and utterly wrong. the only thing honesty had gotten her was a shattered heart and left her more confused then she had ever been before. though she knew she couldn't blame everything on the fact that she had been honest, she knew it was what she had been honest about. that still didn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks when she tried to sleep. nor did it help the empty feeling that had been left inside her ever since watching Tucker walk away. where he had went she didn't know, all she knew was that he was gone from her life. could she blame him though? no, she really couldn't. sleeping with his cousin, having the past that she did with his cousin, it was unhealthy and yet no matter how hard she tried she always went back to him. how her life had gotten so messed up was far beyond her but it was time for her to make a change and it had to start soon. one thing she did know though was that she was a bloody mess. it had been nearly a week since Tucker had once again walked away from her and in that week the seconds seemed like hours and the days felt like months. sleep hadn't exactly been her friend, for her mind just wouldn't shut off. pinpointing every little thing she had done wrong, everything that caused her to loose Tucker. she had thought about taking an absences from Hogwarts, she knew she could get her father to grant her the letter to do so but in the back of her mind she knew it wouldn't help. Emeline Bletchley refused to run from her problems. she had been through her fair share and one thing she refused to be was weak. everything that she had already been through had made her stronger in the past and this would eventually make her stronger as well. the only thing would be making it through it. this year hadn't exactly been the best year for her. she was usually the girl on top of the world but this year she had definitely been anything but that. having lost her boyfriend of a year and then gaining herself a fiancee who hated her, things were hardly going the way she was used too.

if she left Hogwarts for an absences she could only imagine the rumors that would fly around the corridors. Hogwarts may have been one of the more prestigious schools out there but the students that walked the corridors were harsh and cruel, especially the Slytherin's and her fellow Ravenclaw's. so Emeline refused to leave, each day she dragged herself out of bed and down to her classes. she put on a smile to those around her and acted like she was okay, that everything in her life couldn't be better. the engagement ring that shined on her hand turned her stomach whenever she looked at it, just knowing it was her mothers doing. it was just another problem that she'd have to take care of when she finally found her mind once again or she was able to clear her thoughts long enough to focus on that particular issue. the only time her mind seemed to function was when she was in class, which she was thankful for because if she received one more pitiful gaze from the Professor's she was going to scream. getting those looks from her friends or peers was one thing, she could deal with those but from the Professor's it was completely different. they didn't know her, outside of the academic circle and therefore she didn't want their pity. she wasn't a fan of pity from anyone but from Professor's it was almost as though she was disappointing them and merlin knew she couldn't handle that. she was a top student not someone who disappointed their Professor's. when her classes were finished Emeline would return to the Prefect's area and hide away in there. sometimes Adrik would find her or Arryn, and sometimes even Lorelai and Liam would sought her out but otherwise she would just loose herself. whether it be in her school work or her thoughts, sometimes it was hard for her to tell. once in a while she'd manage to catch a few winks of sleep but never very much. seemed to only be enough for her to carry on the next day. this cycle had been continuing for the past week and now that the weekend had finally rolled around it was starting to take its toll on her.

running her hand through her long nearly black locks of hair Emeline sat up in bed. it was four in the morning, great. sweeping her blue eyes around the Girl's Dorms in the Ravenclaw towers she sighed softly. everyone else was sound asleep, probably dreaming the sweetest dreams. noticing that her dear friend wasn't in her bed almost made her laugh since she was sure Rory was off with Liam somewhere. it was what the two of them had that Emeline wanted more then anything in the world. shaking her head she tossed her blankets aside and swung her feet over the side of her bed. stretching as a yawn escaped her lips, before rubbing her eyes. she had no more homework to finish and had already read so far ahead in her texts that she could finish her studies before the year was even out. sliding her feet into her slippers and grabbing her robe she quietly left the dorms and slowly made her way down into the Common Room. the fire that was normally blazing was slowly dying out and not a single soul was around. nothing but quietness met Emeline as she stepped upon the carpet, as the chilly early morning air hit her causing her to wrap her arms around herself. with no one up, the school was kind of peaceful but also kind of eerie. eyeing the stairs to the boys dorms it was at least nice to be down in the Common Room without fear of seeing Carter. since their last run in she wasn't sure how running into him again would go, but she was sure it wouldn't go good. exiting the Common Room her soft foot steps echoing through the corridor unsure of where she really wanted to go. it wasn't really surprising to her that her feet seemed to lead her to the highest point of the abandoned tower, it was where she usually went when something was bothering her. sitting down, tucking her legs beneath her with her back against the stone wall she sighed softly. the sun would be rising soon, at least she'd be able to catch that. the coldness of the floor tingled through her robe onto her bare legs, the short blue shorts she wore beneath doing nothing to protect her from the chilliness. the silence around her practically enveloped her as her thoughts begun to wander to everything that had taken place so far that year. tears begun to fill her eyes and before she knew it they were rolling in a steady stream down her cheeks. not even bothering to try to wipe them away, for she knew they'd just continue to fall. up here was one place she felt safe to allow her tears to freely fall. no body would find her up here, because no body would come looking for her up there. as far as she knew, it wasn't a place that students ventured too often and it was exactly why she didn't hear the approaching foot steps coming up the stairs.

[/size][/justify][/blockquote]

[everett i. ivanski]

I WANT YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING--------------------
i've wanted before

everett tilted his head. he usually didn't have an eye for these things but at the very moment he could clearly see the picture containing the moving pictures tilted. you would be an idiot not to see it. rett tired to straighten it and the man in the picture complained a little, he just smiled and when he finished aligning the picture, it just bothered him that all of the pictures where aligned but this one. he smiled once again this time his smile was bigger and brighter, however wrong his life may have been he was still a happy kid, that was for sure. rett shook his head and continued to walk around the hallway. it was late, very late, maybe almost morning in a few hours but he knew which prefects were where during the hours of the night. this was his thing when he was stressed. rett liked the night, liked how it took over your body and gulfed you in it. he liked how it made you become someone you didn't think you were but were actually in the end. rett smiled at his own thought just before he saw another light approach the hallway and quickly turned off his wand. rett slammed himself against the wall and moved to the side where he knew was a doorway to the cellars where the picture with the kitchens would be. he slipped into the doorway and quickly down it and once he thought the coast was clear of the light rett turned his wand on. it wasn't much farther now to the kitchens. just another hallway until he would reach the picture with the pear. upon reaching the picture he admired it, almost like he always did before he looking around, he quietly tickled the pear. before his very eyes the portrait swung open to reveal many house elves working for tomorrow’s breakfast. rett smiled at them and knocked on the threshold, the house elves quickly setting him a table and chair. he thanked the house selves but told them sitting on the floor was also very much to his liking. the house elves quickly brought him a plate of pizza, it was probably the only thing that rett could eat at all hours of the night, he loved his Italian. It was a problem sometimes though. he grabbed a slice of pizza and ate it while he leaned back on his seat sighing, thinking about the brunette that was invading his mind without permission.

another lonely night sir? asked miguel, a house elf that rett much enjoyed the company off, he was also one of rett's best friends as weird as that would sound. he nodded however and sighed, he was in his pjs, which usually involved a white v neck and boxers, sometimes more, sometimes less. but his mind wasn't on his clothing but finding someone to share his time with. a girlfriend who could make him want to hang out with her since most of the girls at hogwarts were bimbos. except for her of course but he wanted someone strong, someone who was independent and someone who wouldn't change for him. he wanted to love her for who she was. somehow he knew who he was trying so hard to think about. he was trying to think about her but he knew that he shouldn't. it wasn't right so he wasn't going to think of her in any other way that wasn't the way of enemies or friends, there was only one way to look at it and that was going to be the only way he was going to look at it. he finished the one slice of pizza he had in his hand and asked for the rest to be wrapped up in a box, the house elves kindly did it which a smile on their faces and gave him a thermos of hot chocolate and a few cups. rett thanked them kindly and started to make his way upstairs towards the gryffindor tower wanting to relax in his own comfort even if he wasn't really too keen in having to explain anything to this roommates. however rett barely had enough time to reach the gryffindor tower where from a neighboring tower was emeline. but she was leaving her tower and she was ... sad. anger swept through rett, why the hell would someone make her sad? he followed closely behind, wanting to see where the dark beauty was headed. the followed her to the astronomy tower, to the highest point to be exact. he tilted his head slightly as he looked at her, as she sat down and started to cry. he almost turned around believing that he may be the last person that she would ever want to see at that moment but decided agaisnt it, he wasn't about to leave a crying girl alone. "emeline?"

[/color] he whispered softly not wanting to frighten her too much. he sat next to her, placing the bag beside him, and smiled a little. "want to talk about it?"[/color] he wanted to make sure that she was alright. they may not really know each other but rett had slept with her and that was enough for him to feel like he had a bond with her and if she was hurting then rett was hurting too. the thing was, rett didn't really feel like that with most of the girls he slept with... just her.
[/size][/blockquote][/justify]
tag: emeline bletchley <3
word count: 1040 words
lyrics: lyrics to me because i'm awesome like that XD
on itunes: she's so gone by lemonade mouth
credit: everything to me,
notes: yayay i loves them already hehe

[emeline l. bletchley]

[/color] everett ivanski
word count • one one nine one
thread setting • early morning; top of abandoned tower
listening too • nicki minaj
notes • sorry, her muse was bursting!
credit • too moi![/ul]

none of this was like her. to cry anywhere that someone may see her, to let her emotions get the best of her like they had been. these weren't qualities that she was suppose to have. she was raised to be the perfect little pureblood daughter, showing emotion was almost as bad as befriending a Potter for merlin's sake. though she had done worse then that, she had slept with a Potter on countless occasions and had actually thought to have feelings for him at one point in her life. merlin, she had royally messed up somewhere along the lines in the past sixteen years. there was a part of her that wanted to desperately fall back into the way she was before she ever met James Potter. to become the cold hearted pureblood girl she knew she could be, that she knew she was good at. it was often some times much easier. not allowing anything to affect you, believing with all honesty that you were better then everyone else. the mind set was so much easier to deal with then what she was dealing with now. unfortunately a larger part of her knew that no matter how much she may want to retreat back to that way of life that she wouldn't be able too. experiencing emotions, falling in love, hell even just knowing what love feels like. there was no way she could just shut that all off again. before it was easier because she didn't know what these things felt like, but now, well she wanted someone to love her the way she loved them. she wanted someone that thought of her as beautiful not sexy or just some piece of ass. a reputation or thought she had put in many guys heads all on her own, she knew this but was hardly proud of it. Emeline knew she could put up a good front, that none of it bothered her she had been doing so for the past few months but eventually it all caught up to you. just like it had with her and now she couldn't quite figure out which way was the right way to go. that line between right and wrong seemed so blurred at this point in her life, that it usually left her picking the wrong choice. falling for guys that would just hurt her, that would never love her the way that she loved them. that was just one wrong choice that she seemed to be making over and over again.

sighing and running her hand through her hair, then wiping a few of the tears away that were running down her cheeks. trying to stop them from falling but really just failing. the tears were determined to fall, they were determined to escape. something Emeline herself couldn't do. escape, something she wanted so desperately to be able to do but couldn't seem to. every time she tried she just seemed to fall back to square one. this wasn't how her life was suppose to be, and trying to figure out where it all went wrong was getting her no where. Emeline was well aware that she had made several mistakes in her life and it felt like she was currently paying for every one of them. closing her eyes and sniffling as she drew in a breath she just wished she could be eleven again. dealing with a broken nail was a lot easier then having to deal with a broken heart. as her eyes opened they landed on her engagement ring. part of her wanted to cry harder but another part of her was beginning to wonder if she should just take what was coming to her. being Alec's wife would be hell she knew this, deep down she did. he wouldn't love her, she burned that bridge a long time ago. he'd for sure have a mistress if not more then one and she'd have to accept that. though how much worse could that be then what she was going through now? sure she'd be in a loveless marriage but at least she'd be married. in the process she'd actually be making her mother happy for once, keeping the women from hassling her father over a disappointment that their daughter was. she'd eventually have children because it would be expected of them and Alec would be gone so often that she'd still be able to have her own life. she'd have everything she want except love, but she was expected to live without that anyways. shaking her head she knew she was ridiculous for even thinking that a life with Alec would be better then what she was going through now, but it sounded good to her hurting heart.

the soft whisper of her name pulled her from her thoughts and she jumped a little bit. not expecting anyone else to be up at this hour, let alone in the same corridor as her. Emeline's blue eyes came to rest on Rett and she looked at him for a moment, watching as he crossed and sat down next to her. he was really the last person she expected to see again, after their first encounter and their second. sleeping with her fiancees best friend, she thought for sure he'd avoid her for the sake of his friendship with Alec. though Rett had been different then the other guys she had slept with. usually Emeline did everything in her power to forget those that she had random hook ups with but with Rett it was different. when she would see him in a class or walking down the corridor her eyes would seem to follow him. whether it be because of the circumstances, or whether it was just because of him she wasn't exactly sure but she knew that forgetting him wasn't an easy task. reaching up and quickly wiping away the evidence of her tears, though she knew it was still obvious that she had been crying. not to mention that he had caught her. giving him a small smile at his question then looking away from him. "thank you for the offer but its nothing really." she lied, tugging her knees up to her chest and hugging them. resting her chin on her knee, bringing her gaze back to him her hair falling down over her leg. "how come your awake so early? i thought i was the only one crazy enough to be awake at this hour." they barely knew one another, except for the minor details but she still couldn't help but feel rather comfortable around him. it was an odd sort of feeling to be honest since he was Alec's best friend and he should be the last person she should ever consider trusting. though things she should consider with Rett were thrown out the window the moment they slept together, so everything between them was in the unknown. that very well could be the best part so far.

[/size][/justify][/blockquote]