who i am hates who i've been, *jacen

[ashlee e. rousseau]

stop right there, that's exactly where i lost it,

see that line, well i never should've crossed it.

It had been exactly one month and sixteen days since Ashlee had met Jacen. No, she wasn’t exactly counting down the days or anything. She just remembered their first encounter perfectly. She’d been on her way into Flourish and Blott’s while he was on his way out, when they bumped into each other, literally. Jacen, being the large, hulking man that he was, knocked her backward without even trying. Thankfully, she caught herself before she actually hit the cobblestones. She’d knocked his Quidditch book from his hands, which lead them to talking. The rest, as they say, is history. One thing to know about their relationship was that it was not a relationship at all. They’d been spending far too much time together in that period of time than they should’ve, and were moving way too fast. She spent a great deal of time at his house now, and sometimes, they acted almost like they were in a serious commitment. Now, Ashlee was seeing countless other people at the time, and what Jacen did with his free time was his own business, but it was as close to real feelings she’d had for anyone since Tristan. She was more than happy to spend time with the man who made her this happy, but she refused to let her guard down again. She still wasn’t even over her ex-boyfriend, if one could even call him that. For right now, Ash and Jacen were just a casual fling. Oh yes, her fling with a man who was eight years older than her. That was another thing she’d learned thanks to Tristan. She sure could keep a secret. Nobody even knew that she knew Jacen Fenwick, and she planned to keep it that way. She just loved to spend time with him, and she knew he felt the same way.

That being said, this particular Wednesday afternoon, she was feeling particularly lonely. She wasn’t in the mood for immature students, so that left Jacen. Aside from being lonely, she was also feeling a little too risky. Instead of going to her classes, she decided to go visit him at work instead. She was well aware that it was one of the stupidest things she could have done, but it really wasn’t bothering her today. What were the odds of her getting caught? Jacen was a good guy. Nobody would ever expect him of sleeping with someone so much younger than he was. Besides, she looked much older than she was anyway. If she were to go visit him at work and maybe bring him something to eat, no one would think otherwise than that she was his perfectly legal, caring girlfriend. So, that’s what she decided to do. He was a very masculine guy, and she happened to know from his lips himself that he always wanted a woman to bring him food at work. Seeing as he worked at the Daily Prophet, she stopped into one of the many café’s on Diagon Alley and grabbed them each a small strawberry cupcake, a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a soft drink. She packed everything up into a bag, then walked the few yards further and into the Daily Prophet offices. Upon entering, she was right in the reception area. She thanked Merlin once more for giving her the shape of a woman in her early twenties and approached the receptionist. Luckily, it was a woman. They tended to ask less questions. Ashlee, believe it or not, was nervous. Her heart was beating rapidly, but she hid it well. She leaned nonchalantly on the desk and said, ”Jacen Fenwick’s office, please.” The woman smiled warmly and instructed her to go in the third door on the left down the north hallway.

On her walk there, things didn’t get any easier for Ash. She was even more nervous now. Yes, Jacen and her got along perfectly. Yes, he did want a beautiful woman to bring him lunch at work. She was just worried that his worries would outweigh how glad he was to see her. Nevermind that she was pretty much in the clear now and nobody had so much as batted an eyelash at her. She was realizing more and more how stupid of an idea this was, but it was too late to back out now. When she got to the room the receptionist had been referring to, she peeked her head inside to see Jacen hard at work behind his desk, head bent over a few papers. Ashlee moved as quietly as she could into the room, and shut the door behind her, praying it wouldn’t creak. By the time he’d finally looked up, because of the sound the door made when it closed, she already had her back pressed against the door and was holding the bag of food in the air. She smiled as charmingly as possible, but inside, she was almost ready to die. She was worried he was going to be angry, but she showed no signs of it. ”Surprise.” She couldn’t bring herself to move any closer, but just standing there was making her feel like an idiot, especially waiting for a reaction, so she decided to keep talking. ”I decided to bring you lunch at work. I hope you like cupcakes.” She knew that he did, but it was just something to say. As the time passed, she wasn’t sure whether to stop smiling or just leave. All she wanted to do was sit down and eat with him.

jacen fenwick | outfit | who i am hates who i've been by relient k | sorry, went ahead and did it anyway xD | 1053 words

[jacen v. fenwick]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] i'm a lady killer and your a pretty lady Things for Jacen seemed to be moving pretty fast lately. It seemed that the fact seasons were almost about to change, also brought on a new flow of news reports for them to deal with. Being the head of the sports department only meant that he was given double the work. In a way he was happy because for it. Jacen was never one to sit around and bide his time. Hell, he got his kicks by diving at heights over 50 meters on a broomstick. Though he had given up any pursuit of a quidditch career for a journalist job, he still wanted to keep things active. If he was in the office, he wanted to be typing a new article or researching a juicy story. Though some liked when there was a slow day, because it meant less work, Jacen hated them. He was coming in to do work, not sit around and play paper football. If he wanted to do that he’d sit at home and call out sick instead of getting dressed up in a suit. The other reason his lived seemed active and moving had nothing to do with his professional life and switched to his private life. Ever since he ran into a blonde haired girl leaving Flourish and Blott’s things seemed to be different for him. He had never thought he would be having a…well whatever they were, fling he supposed, with someone so much younger than him. Though he didn’t know whether what they did was wrong or if the fact that he didn’t care nor want it to end was worse. Ashlee Rousseau was similar yet completely different than some women he had met. She was gorgeous, her body, he quickly learned, was flawless, but her attitude was maybe the thing that had thrown him for the biggest spin. She was blunt and raw on many occasions. In fact when they first slept together, she made no attempt to hide what they were doing. It gave Jacen the vibe that she was a woman with experience in the ways of the heart at least. In his time at Hogwarts he had seen many girls in his year that dated older men and fell in love with the idea of an older, more mature man, only to be heartbroken before the end of the term. Ashlee wasn’t one of them. She wasn’t naïve or stupid; she was quite smart in those areas. Jacen of course never asked or questioned it, it wasn’t his place. And even though they went into this…fling with no intentions to fall for each other, they did seem to develop naturally. Jacen wasn’t sure if he would call them feelings, but just the way they naturally acted around each other was not what one would expect from just sex. As he tried to clear his mind and finish his notes, Jacen’s head snapped up when he heard the door close. “Ashlee” the surprise was evident in his voice as he took in his visitor. It only took a moment for Jacen’s eyes to move to the bag, and his nose to take in the scent then more back to her and a smile spread across his face. As she finished speaking Jacen placed his quill down, walking around the desk. “Well I could use a sugar rush…” he grinned as he took the bag from her hand, using his strong arm to pull her against him and kiss her deeply. After a moment, he pulled apart slightly, his lips still hovering over hers. “This is definitely the best surprise I’ve gotten all day” he commented, in case she was feeling any sort of nerves. Jacen knew they weren’t exactly public knowledge, but at the same time no one in the office had a clue who Ashlee was. So he had no fear of someone glancing in his office when he pulled her in for a kiss. Not to mention the slytherin student looked a bit older than she was; it even surprised him at first. Finally letting her go, he placed the bag on his desk, pulling a chair over for her. Moving around his desk he opened the bag, his eyes widening slightly. It was a simple lunch, but the fact was she had brought him lunch! He half expected it to be a gag. “Ash, you really didn’t have to do this” he said shaking his head as he looked up at her with a smile. “I’m surprised you remembered.” Jacen was of course referring to the one conversation they had, explaining what the perfect partner would be like. Offhand he had mentioned he liked the idea of being brought lunch by someone at least once; and now well here she was. “Are you free for the rest of the day?” he questioned, grinning a bit as he handed her the second cupcake. This was certainly a good afternoon so far. so that means i'm gonna kill you WORDS: 825 TAGGED: ashlee (: OUTFIT: tie, shirt and slacks MUSIC: pandora o: NOTES: it's fine (: i loved it. hopefully mine is good xD template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

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[ashlee e. rousseau]

stop right there, that's exactly where i lost it,

see that line, well i never should've crossed it.

The one thing that always surprised her about Jacen was that he wasn’t exactly what she’d expected her first older man to be like. Yes, he went to work in a suit everyday, but that’s where the differences ended. She’d always assumed that once men graduated from school, they became lazy. It was the case with all her prior experiences. He was by far the most energetic man she’d ever met. He always had a smile on his face, especially when she first walked into the room. The feeling was mutual, so she definitely understood. He made her laugh like nobody else could, even more impressively so after such a dark period in her life. Even though most girls with older men in their lives expected to sit around and watch movies in other languages and drink coffee and be the victim of undeserved mood swings for getting in the way of their work, it was nothing like that with Jacen. Their “dates” consisted of sex, sugary foods, her helping him with his work, and him attempting to skill her in the art of quidditch. He was a fun person to be around, and Merlin knew Ash could use the fun right about now. Even the way he handled her arrival was enough to earn him some points in her book. He was so care-free about them and didn’t mind a little public displays of affection, even if the situation didn’t warrant it. He was genuinely happy to see her, which was more than she could say for the other men in her life. She smiled up at him with happiness just visible in her eyes. ”Baby, I am the sugar rush,” she teased him, pulling him down to her level by his tie to kiss him again. She tilted her head cutely to the side. ”See? Don’t I just taste sweet?”

When he let her go, she placed her purse on the floor beside his desk and stood with her arms folded, watching him pull a chair over for her like a gentleman. It was amazing how simple, chivalrous acts like that could make her swoon. After all, she’d been in love with Tristan, and he was the walking poster boy for chivalry. Still, with his reassurance and lighthearted attitude, she was still concerned about being there. She quickly analyzed herself and the situation, looking for anything that hinted at her age. Finding nothing, all she could do was glance timidly out the window of his office into the larger generic offices. She tried her best to keep her smile, since this was the next step of their “relationship.” Everything seemed to cool down a little more when she finally got to sit down and relax. Why was she so jumpy anyway? If he didn’t care, neither should she. It was probably just instinct by now. She’d been so used to sneaking around with Tristan that she wasn’t really sure how to behave in an openly romantic setting. She wasn’t one of those girls who paraded around the halls with a guy on her arm. This was more different to her than even the guy itself. That was a scary thought. Even though they weren’t dating, it now occurred to her that she didn’t really know how to be a girlfriend. From the look on his face though, she seemed to be doing a good job so far. She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. ”It was on my way and I already decided I wanted to come see you, so why not?” That was one thing Ashlee was good at: making a man feel special.

To be completely honest, she was a little surprised she’d remembered the detail as well. It was so unlike her to put this much effort into a guy. She knew she gave off an air about her that people could immediately recognize as passive, but it was different here. Jacen was someone entirely new. He didn’t have the rumor mill to feed what he knew about her, so she could start from scratch. She was trying so hard right now to not do something to make him question them. ”Of course I remembered. You’re the one who told me.” She said this simply, as if she remembered everything he told her. Now, she was realizing that she did. She perked up a little at his invitation. He really did want her around! She had a few classes later on that day, but she really had no interest in going to them now, so she nodded her head. ”Sure, what did you have in mind?” As she asked, he handed her the cupcake and looked down at it. She smirked, contemplating her options for a second. This was seeming too three year marriage for her tastes. The worst thing she could think of happening right now was for him to get bored of her. She ran her finger across the top of the strawberry icing and held it out to him. ”Here, taste test.” She lowered her voice and tilted her head, waiting for him to tell her what he thought of it. It was common procedure for Ashlee to switch the direction of things when they were getting too comfortable for her. It was a horrible relationship mechanism, but it sure worked for her.

jacen fenwick | outfit | who i am hates who i've been by relient k | lmfao she's like a little wife | 1025 words